My Mama told me there’d be days like
this! That’s what the song says, but
when those days come – it's difficult to embrace them.
I LOVE my life, my husband and my
family. I love my dogs – my old Volvo
and most people. Still, today was hard
and now I’m going to bed feeling a little defeated.
I got a test back today and I scored pretty
low – after studying my butt off.
After class, I walked slowly back to my car (under a radiant Sacramento sun) and I remembered the sinking feeling of not doing
well on tests. Way back then my low
scores were usually caused by not studying– or maybe not hard enough. I think I scored low on this test because it
was mostly multiple choice – and I felt overwhelmed and confused. Also I wish I could have extra time in class
on test days, I’m a slow tester!
As smart as I like to think I am, I have
never been “the smartest person in the room” (the smartest person in the room
was usually my best friend).
I unpacked
my lunch (a chicken salad) and realized I forgot a fork. I remembered Mario was home and decided to
break in on his day to cry on his shoulder.
As soon as I got home, I showed him the ominous test – with the ominous
score. He didn’t seem to know what I was
talking about.
“You passed,” he said, raising his eyebrows
and looking at me.
I shrugged.
“Why did you back to school?” he asked
me. “Did you go back to get all A’s?”
Later, when I talked to my friend on the
phone she asked me the same question. In
the same way Mario asked me. This time,
I could answer.
“Yes.”
“Really?
I thought you told me you went back to get your degree. I thought you said you went back because you felt that was what God wanted for you right now. At least that's what you told me.”
I didn’t know what to say…she was right. It still hurt.
It hurts to get bad grades. I hate it.
It hurts the most because I was trying my best to do something and I didn't do it well. Whenever I feel this
way, I am reminded of all the things I’ve tried to do and failed… And they fall on me like an avalanche of failures.
Does anyone else feel this way? How do you usually get out of it? I know it sounds small on the grand scheme of
things, but it was a bad day.
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