I still remember the day that David, our oldest son, met his
wife-to-be. I was upstairs on the phone
and Mario was downstairs, and we were listening as he was telling us about a
date he had with a pretty young lady named Lennae.
I was standing up, making the bed and I rolled my eyes. David, an astrophysicist computer geek, had
the brains of a genius, and the worst luck with women. His last two girlfriends had drug him to hell
and back and I was not expecting him to date again until he had recovered. His story, made me stand straight up and
listen.
“We got into the car and I had Blue Oyster Cult, ‘Don’t Fear
the Reaper’ on, and she said ‘I don’t know about you, but I could use more
cowbell.’”
I held the phone in my numb hand and imagined a movie camera
zooming in on my face. I thought, “Oh,
no...he’s going to marry this girl.”
He did.
For those of you that don’t follow Saturday Night live
religiously (like the Rodriguez family), Lennae was referring to a “Behind the
Music” sketch, where the male cast re-enact the infamous taping of the rock
classic, directed by a superstar producer, played by Christopher Walken. Will
Farrell imitates a 70’s stereotype rocker, playing a cowbell through the song,
and messing up the taping. The spoof had
Mario and I in stitches. Later, when we
talked about it with the kids, it brought comic relief to tense times.
Lennae knowing the sketch was one thing, but she said a line
that we used to say to each other as a private Rodriguez joke – when something
was ridiculous or stupid. If a
cheerleading squad did a “cheer dance with spirit fingers at the end”. Yeah, that was good, but I could have used a
little more cowbell....
Mario went before me to meet her (David and Lennae lived in
the Kansas City area) and came home with pages of notes about the visit. Mario loves taking notes about things.
“She’s been through a lot,” he said. “Her parents are divorced and she seems like
she became an adult very quickly. She
used to dance – swing dance. But since
David doesn’t dance she doesn’t dance anymore.
She loves animals and rescued two that are with them now.” Here he looked up and smiled. “You have to hear this story...”
He told me the story that melted my heart for her: Lennae
used to live in an apartment building that was pretty small; a downstairs unit
that had a door facing another tenant.
The other tenant was a dodgy individual and kept a dog chained up by the
front door. The chain was long enough to
reach his food bowl and let him poop in the bushes, but short enough for the dog to
have no room at all to live freely. He
was put there, mainly to guard the entrance and was pretty mean and
ferocious. At first Lennae was scared of
him, since she had to pass there just to get to her door, but she soon realized
that this dog had no play, no company and no love. She began to give him attention, and when she
came home, he would shake with joy in seeing her. She once asked the owner if she could take
him for a walk or play with him, but he denied her, saying the dog didn’t need
anything like that. On the day she moved
out of the apartment, Lennae turned in her keys to the manager, unhooked the
dog, and took him to her new home. He
was one of the most loved animals in the world there.
“So,” I said, trying to get a picture of her. “Is she a Cathy or is she a Janet?” This question, for Mario was a no-win. Cathy is Mario’s ex-wife, the mother of David
and Joe. She is a blonde, blue-eyed “girl-next-door”
type that is peaceful and loving and soft.
Janet (me) is a raven-haired opinionated, passionate woman filled with
fire...and repentance when I have to remove my rather large foot from my even
larger mouth. Which was Lennae?
“She is a...” he thought, lookining up in the air and
scratching his chin. “She’s a Lennae.”
Crap. Now I had no
idea what to expect.
I met her two days before the wedding, where I introduced
myself and went into my nervous story-telling thing that I do in order to
explain myself. She had the greenest
eyes, like our son, Vince. It was hard
not to be mesmerized by them. Her skin
was a perfect peaches and cream and she was statuesque and lovely. She also was very affectionate with David,
and he with her. I was a little
uncomfortable around the two of them, but smiled at Vince and Alicia about the
whole thing. (Another Rodriguez joke? Smiling and plugging your nose around
open displays of affection...)
When you are a “step-mother” at a wedding, things don’t work
out as smoothly as you would think they do.
I prepared myself for the awkwardness, but was very honored that David
and Lennae asked me to be part of the first row, with Mario and Cathy by my
side. The wedding was gorgeous, and
Lennae was dressed in a silk, strapless gown that showed off the loveliest
shoulders since Princess Di...and her tattoo on her back.
The reception was in a stunning Victorian house, and we gave
David and Lennae a copper cowbell that was engraved “I got a fever! And the
only prescription is more cowbell!” It
was their favorite gift.
It turns out Lennae was nervous about the day because she
loved each and every member of her family, but they did not like each other and
had a very hard time being in the same room with one another. She had just lost her beloved grandmother, a
peacemaker and a joy to her heart.
Looking back, I think Lennae was surprised that Cathy and I loved each
other the way we did. It was easy to –
Cathy is a Cathy.
They honeymooned in the wine country of California, where
they graciously added us to their stay for two days. I played a video of David and Joe singing “Kiss
the Girl” to the Little Mermaid – as I promised him I would when he was ten
years old and woke the whole house up with a slumber party. Our cool, controlled computer genius hid
red-faced, under the kitchen table, humiliated beyond belief as Lennae laughed
her head off and held her arms open to him.
The memory is unforgettable.
We vacationed in Kansas City with them as a family, where
all of our techno-savvy kids played x-box together (we didn’t ever allow it in
our house, and all of our kids had become pros). Lennae was pregnant and unable to keep food
down, sometimes even water, and I worried about her. Even though she was in her last trimester,
she never had the “morning sickness” pass, and the sickness lasted all
day. I was very worried about her and
said so as we left.
“Don’t worry,” she said.
“David takes good care of me.” He
did. It was nice to see the marriage
working so well, although they said they never fought. I saw this as a danger sign. I didn’t know that the word “fight” had the
worst connotations for both of them.
Laila came one day and changed our lives for good. We were now grandparents. The pictures that they sent us were of the
birthing tub, a method of drug-free birthing that Lennae had chosen to do. After looking at them, I felt the same
awkwardness that I had felt seeing the open displays of affection that David
and Lennae had with each other. She and
David were beautiful, almost sensual in the tub as Lennae gave birth to her
first child. Her face was that of a
Raphael painting, not the contorted red devil face one usually associates with
childbirth.
Laila Willow was perfect, with the same green eyes as her
mother. The first time she called me “Abuela”
I thought I would die for joy. It was
like being fourteen and the popular cute boy says “hi” to you and says your
name...but better.
Soon after Laila came Lilliana Grace, then Lauren
Caroline. All with the tub, all without
pain meds. I secretly called Lennae “Mother
Earth”, mainly because of the way she championed the birthing process and
breast feeding.
Last Christmas she hosted all of us (except Vince, who
couldn’t make it) and we all played Quelf and wii and
drank Irish car bombs...and laughed our heads off. We had tender, gorgeous heart-to-hearts and
she showed me her pictures of each birth.
And when I got on the plane I cried....
In my mind’s eye, she is surrounded by confetti and
children. I think she is literally one
of the most agreeable people I have ever met, and in a strange way, she has
taught me to accept people in my life regardless of their beliefs or convictions. She is, without a doubt, the best person in
the world for my step-son – our son- David...and I would have never ever chosen
her if it were up to me.
For that reason, she is a gift and a blessing to me and to
us. Today is her birthday. Happy Birthday, honey. You are a delight and joy and everyone’s
daughter-in-law should be like you.
Not like Cathy; not like Janet...but a Lennae. Their own person.