I survived the first week of class and now I’m starting my second. I vacillate between feeling excited and overwhelmed. I think I can do this, but it’s all so new. Everything I forgot about school is now coming back to me. Why didn’t I finish? Why did I find it so easy to drop out? Was it the work? Was it the time in my life? What was it?
Today, I remembered.
As I walked the halls of the school, I felt lonely. The feeling was a familiar one – I felt it a lot when I first attended college. For me, there aren’t a lot of reasons to connect with fellow students other than to join clubs or study groups (no, thanks). I walk from class to class purposefully, not meandering in common areas – there is no reason to.
I have four classes: American History (honors); Political Science (honors); Composition (ENGWR 300) and Early American Literature. The first three are on Tuesdays and Thursdays – and I have a long break after Poly-Sci. Today I ate lunch in my car, and then walked to the library to study.
I remember loving the library; I still do.
When all of my comfort zones are stripped away me, I find comfort in books. They are predictable joy, always delivering something perfect: a song, a story, knowledge. I went outside to take a couple of calls (one from my friend, one from my sister). There, on the roof patio, I saw a lot of young kids studying and talking. I never had that in my first college experience; I don’t know if it’s necessary for me.
In my life away from school, I have Mario – my love and my best friend. I have great relationships with my kids and my family. I have tons of friends who are awesome. On campus, I’m a girl on a mission.
And I have God. Today I remembered. That’s what was different before.