Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
When I learned the word forgiveness
It had a halo and some feathers.
It was a way to forget and bless -
A trade for uncomfortable tethers .
It wasn’t until much later that I knew how much I needed it
Like a wrench inside a toolbox,
Breaking through whatever impeded it-
breaking paper, scissors, rocks.
My costly bloody wrench knew more of sacrifice
Than mercy; its costly job released me.
Some places I used it more than twice
Where offense was sharp or greasy.
And now forgiveness breaks my shame,
Not far from my embittered heart.
In case I slip and fall and blame
It lifts me to the place of art.
Because my freedom, joy and peace-
Can not exist without release
Friday, January 25, 2013
Blue eyed soul when we used to dance
In calypso rhythms and bow our arms
Like Carmen; only deeper in our hearts
Bleeding like children wanting to be seen
More than anything.
Now there are bars and letters
Places I am not supposed to share;
People I’m not supposed to tell;
Tears that are sentenced to my intestines….
But here I am - the real one who sees
The one who used to dance without fear
before you got lost.
The one whose colors would light my dreams
Now fallen; I am left to live in secrets.
Left to miss you
Like a child waiting to be seen.
Did you know you were leaving me?
Posted by Janet Rodriguez at 3:22 PM
Thursday, January 17, 2013
I love looking back on memories (both recent and long past) and finding love.
I was born into a family that loved and loved and got mad and forgave. It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I realized that most families were not as easy as mine. I was taught that love is a gift...and I have been given it more than anyone I know. I love my mom and dad for giving me this start. For modeling this love for me...
I love my husband, my beautiful man who is the most incredible boy...the strongest man the most tender warrior I have ever met. I love watching him sleep and wondering why God would grant me such happiness. Why did I get him? Why do I deserve to be the one who's happily married; deeply loved?
I love Vince. My complicated, beautiful green eyed son who thinks in the depths of the ocean and makes me scared to dive into the beauty of the dark. I love him for who he is and for his gorgeous fear and daring to plunge into it.... I love his mind and I love his hopes.
I love Alicia. She scares me with her beauty. She is wild and brilliant and filled with joy and reckless happiness. A wild mustang with a white mane running in the snow. I love her for her high volume love and her tender side that only a few can see....
I love the kids I inherited through Mario.
I love David, the easy, groovy, salty man with the laugh and drive so like his dad's. I love him for loving his girls, loving his wife. I love him for his oodles of forgiveness he has lavished on me over the years. I love him for the joy and the laughter and the books and the music... I love his brain and I love his heart.
I love Joe - my blonde and beautiful step son who treaded carefully and stomped at the same time. I love how his DNA is so close to his father's and his promise is so close to his. I love his peaceful cool; the nightmarish dillemmas that live so deeply inside of him.
I love my granddaughters and they actually love me back. Their love and beauty and open abandon to live life each moment makes me happy to be alive mself. I love their wonder in every moment- their selfish desire to be tended and their gorgeous curiosity. I can hear the wheels turning as they sit next to me. I am humbled by their love and joy over me....
On a normal day I can sit and think about all of the love in my life and cry with gratitude. Today was one of those days, as I look back on all of the pictures of our vacation. It's almost over and I have so many memories to be grateful for.
Today I am weepy grateful for all of this... all of this love.
Posted by Janet Rodriguez at 3:39 PM
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
|"In The Center" - a sculpture by Saint Clair Cemin (taken on 79th Street in NYC)|
The word safari, loosely translated from Swahili, means journey. It usually is used to describe a journey taken by people not used to the rigorous demands of life in the African bush, a life where there is no such thing as convenience or familiarity.
Every new beginning is a safari.
January is a month of new beginnings, the month itself named after Janus, the Roman god who looks both forward and backwards. The New Year stretches out before us and dares us to be different; challenges us to accomplish new things – maybe ones we couldn’t accomplish the year before. Most of us will make some kind of new resolution to be fit, thinner, do Pilates, read War and Peace or some other outward accomplishment.
Most people have given up on their resolutions by March. Gyms see a noticeable decrease in attendance by that time, the new converts to 6 a.m. workouts giving up because of the results are not what they expected.
Our journeys of new beginnings don’t always bring the desired results by the time we want them. It would be awesome to run for a week and drop a pound; build church membership by March just by implementing a new program; learn a second language and speak it fluently within the year.
This morning I woke up in New York. I am looking out over Columbia University’s football field – a reminder that Columbus is highly revered here even though his foot never touched the USA. Peter Minuit (a Dutch lord) bought Manhattan Island for the equivalent of twenty four dollars – a steal for the land that now has supremely high priced real estate. He saw the future, and named the place New Amsterdam, the place where the settlers were from. The Dutch sought after a place of familiarity and home, whose smells and sounds comforted the thoughts of the new inhabitants of a strange land.
Later the English fought for the land and took it from the Dutch, naming after York – their home back in England (actually the Duke of York claimed it as his).
God is currently unfolding new things before me. I see a new adventure before me in 2013 – one that is a bit of an uncharted adventure.
Maybe I’ll call 2013 the Year of the Safari. An incredible journey that will unfold before me – a challenge to rise up and see the future.
Posted by Janet Rodriguez at 7:30 PM