Saturday, September 8, 2012

hush




Hush- a -bye,
Don’t you cry
Go to sleep little baby....
When you wake
You shall take
All the pretty little horses
Blacks and Bays
Dapples and Greys
Coach and Six little horses
Hush-a-bye
Don’t you cry
Go to sleep little baby. 

When I was pregnant with Vincent a mommy friend of mine gave me a cassette tape of lullabies that I loved.  I was a single mother, a recovering addict and had no idea where my life was going.  I had one thing: renewed hope of a life with my son and a new Savior I had just put my hope in.

For some reason, as I sang them to my infant son, I sang them to myself.  I sang in hope that the peace cooed over my baby would somehow bring me comfort.  It did.  It brought a soothing hope that calmed me down.

Hope.

It is the thing with feathers. 

It pits itself against tragedy and lifts its head up to the sunlight.

There is something better tomorrow, even if today has my heart broken.

I think it has been one month since I last blogged.  Blogging is a normal part of my life, an online journal.  To say I’ve been unable to blog is not so true.  I’ve been able, just not desirous....

I came home like a wet dog that comes in from a storm and collapses on the tile floor.  It took me awhile to bounce back and sing this lullaby to myself again. 

I had gone home to the USA for my granddaughter Alannah’s first birthday.  I had a short (and incomplete) visit with part of my family.  I had to leave in a way I had never done before, leaving me weeping as I took off.  I lost my passport in Dubai (found it in the airport lounge) and almost didn’t make the plane.  By the time I recovered from jet lag I was still coping with the heartbreak of living in two worlds.

Did I mention that I came home with my original manuscript of my newly completed novel, inked-up with re-write suggestions from my editor?  I also submitted a proposal to an agent my editor recommended ...and she rejected me... or at least rejected my “project”. 

So here I am, back again.  Back in the blogging saddle, writing as an update of how things are going.  It sounds so bleak, but I have seen the light and I am uplifted again.

I have hope, the thing that will not disappoint me.  I miss our families and I think I always will while I am here, but nothing can change the distance that separates us, other than us moving back, which we are not doing right away. 

In the last week, I started reading a new book that my neighbor, Gill lent me.  It is written for people who find themselves disappointed in life.  It is called “The Secret of a Radiant Life”  by W.E. Sangster, first published in 1957 (I wasn’t born yet...). 

I want to end my post with the last part of the second chapter, which I have just finished.  I think I want to end this post with it because in all of our lives we are desperately in need of hope, hope that can only come from God.  I am hoping that it will encourage you, like a lullaby so that in an ocean of emotion that will not stop churning you can find hope in the simplicity of His arms, like a lullaby. 

“We need God! There is the truth of it.  The demands of our turbulent nature are not to be calmed and controlled by the human will alone.  The stupid purposelessness of a universe without meaning sickens us in the very soul.  The vanity of still supposing our race can save itself from destruction even while we drift to the things we dread is a conceit we can no longer entertain.  The ache for inward peace, and the outward sheen which tokens its presence, are not made on this earth.
We turn to God.
‘Help us, O God!’
Where the saints and seers of all the ages have found victory and peace, we will find it too.”